This Christmas
by Jemmasgiirl
Summary: SEMMA. It's been 4 years and Sean is still in the army, but every holiday he comes back home and stays with Emma's family. Last Christmas, something happened between him and Emma again. Nobody knows what though. This Christmas, Sean comes home to find Emma is engaged. . can he pull off a miracle and get Emma to rethink this whole thing? Or has he convinced himself she's better off?
1. I'll Be Home For Christmas

**Important note: Spin/Emma never happened. Ick. She dumped Kelly, but met a new guy after a year later. Sean is obviously endgame though. Tehe.**

Upon the windows, frost coated the glass from outside creating pale, glittering swirls that caught the light of the battery-operated candles from inside Emma's family home. The sounds of glasses clinking against one another and the ladle swishing around the punch bowl were nearly drowned out by the voices and laughter of Emma Nelson's family and friends.

Everyone was here for the Christmas party that Emma's mom threw every year now. Everything was decorated so nicely, with the help of Emma and Manny ofcourse. Snake actually did most of the cooking. The Christmas tree stood in the corner and it was big and bright, with red and gold ornaments and a star up top.

A lot has changed. Not only were Jay and Manny married now, but Liberty was back from New York and spending the holidays with them too. It's been 4 years since graduating Degrassi and two years since graduating college. Emma had went back to school for Business and it had turned out to be one of the best things she could of done. Manny was back from Hollywood and opened a bar/club with her for new artists and musicians . Spinner too partnered up with them and they now own the hottest place downtown. The Minx. The Dot was too 'diner' for Spinner now. . he needed something more now that he and Jane had just gotten pregnant. It's been a money maker!

Jay was still working at his mechanic shop. He was doing well and he was really a changed man since Manny. Their wedding was beautiful, but Emma knew Jay felt it was missing something. Someone. Sean wasn't able to make it.

Sean had been deployed nearly four years now. The army had said that he'd return in time for this year's holiday season like he did every Christmas. But the weather was pretty bad out there. Emma was even glancing at the clock, noticing how late it was getting.

Emma sipped at her punch and hugged her arms across her chest a little tighter. It wasn't just her family and friends here , but that of her fiances family too. Emma had met someone a year after her break up with Kelly, and she was now engaged to him. His name was Josh, he was a nice guy who worked as one of the heart throbbing bartenders in her bar. Manny really pushed her to go for it since Josh was so into Emma even at the time when she had zero interest in him. It took her weeks to go for it but when she finally did, she was happy Manny gave her the push.

Josh was the nicest guy Emma's met in a while. So nice that the two hit it off and started officially dating quite quickly and got serious. He knew what he wanted in his future, and Emma did too. She was already successful and that was a turn on for Josh, also she was beautiful and smart. Jackpot right?

And knowing Josh had his life and goals planned out was attractive to Emma, and for any woman! So when he popped the question 7 months later, it might of been kind of early, but Emma said yes. They seemed to be good together. But there was one thing in the back of Emma's mind that gave her doubts. Her love for someone else... But she tried not to think of that. _That guy_ had chose to be millions of miles away from her than choosing to be with her. Josh had to be the one if Sean wasn't. Right?

Sean came here every holiday. He even stayed with them. Emma was okay with it since they were 'friends' now, but this year she was a little weary of him coming home (If he did). Something had happened between them last Christmas, and she was nervous in seeing him again.

Sean and Snake were still close. Snake was the reason Sean probably still came back here to stay with them. I mean, it couldn't be her anymore right? Emma didn't mind Snake still having a relationship with Sean after their break up. She didn't know why, because normally, it should bug someone.. but it was Sean. She just wished Snake would treat Josh the same as he treated Sean but they would only talk of football and be on their merry way. She hoped if Sean did come, Snake wouldn't treat him like the son in law he really wanted.

That would be embarrassing.

What was more embarrassing was Josh still yet to meet Sean. And vise versa.

Emma wore a fitted black dress that had thin straps and hugged her every curve. She nearly glowed, standing by the Christmas tree and skin looking so smooth and so tanned for being the season of Winter. Her blonde hair was in soft big curls too.

Manny smiled as she came up with her own glass of punch in hand but Jay held a flask beside her.

"Seriously?" Emma teased as they were laughing quietly together and trying to hide it as Jay poured some of his flask in her glass too after his.

"Live a little." he taunted.

Emma raised an eyebrow at him, "Nice shirt."

Jay looked down at his sweater and Manny's laughter became louder. She made him wear a lame Christmas sweater. He smirked and nodded, "Laugh it up."

Emma giggled and sipped her spiked punch. She needed it tonight anyways.

"Easy there." Manny teased, noticing her start to chug it. Jay and her shared a look and Emma just swallowed it down hard and rested it on a table behind her.

More friends and family showed up, and Emma stood alone at the table again gazing at Josh talking to Liberty now. Even Liberty seemed to like him. That had to be a good sign, right? He was handsome too, with dark hair and dark eyes. He was tall, a little slim but lean .

Emma then gazed at Jay and Manny now, Jay was stealing a kiss from her from under the corny mistletoe that her mom put up earlier. They laughed and never left anothers side. They looked _**really**_. Emma's eyes saddened a bit, gazing down at her drink again and downed that one too.

"Emma, you look gorgeous!" Mrs Brown said. She came up to Emma with one of her friends, smiling warmly. She was Josh's mother, and she was so kind to her. Beside her was Josh's Aunt Kelly.

"Thanks Mrs Brown."

"Oh stop it! It's Kathleen now." she loved Emma already like a daughter. Her son had supposedly had some past bad ex's and Emma was her favorite so she was glad she had that ring on her finger.

"Show us the diamond, honey." Kelly teased as Spike came up and gasped.

"Yes show us!"

Emma blushed a bit and put her hand out, just as Josh came around and smiled at her, putting his arm around her. "What do you say to that Mrs Simpson?" he asked.

Spike gawked the ring with his mother and aunt. "It's beautiful, Josh. Just beautiful!" She looked back to Snake and called him over, "Honey come look!"

Snake tore away from talking to his friends from work, other teachers, and he frowned when he noticed what they were doing. "We've seen it 100 times!"

Spike waved him off and scoffed, turning to smile at Josh's mother. "I'm so happy. Aren't they just _made_ for another?"

His mother replied, "I haven't seen him this happy in years."

Emma looked at Josh who was grinning down at her still and she smiled softly to then frown when the women went on about the ring on her finger and plans of a wedding date. Emma hadn't picked one out yet. She wasn't sure why not.

Over in the corner, Spinner went to the stereo to play some Christmas music and Jane stood behind him. She looked the same, just pregnant. She and Spinner were pretty happy now too. She even laughed behind him when he played a corny song from the stereo and started to sing with it.

 _I'll be home for Christmas  
You can count on me  
Please have snow and mistletoe  
And presents by the tree_

"you okay?" Josh whispered to Emma, noticing her tense as the song played around the room. The party seemed to love it, but Emma hated listening to it. It reminded her too much of something .

"Fine." she moved closer and wrapped her arms around him, leaning against him. He nodded and continued talking to their family.

Over by the door, Manny yelped and jumped more into Jay's arms when it opened right behind her. Some of the cold wind came in and snow along with it when a figure stepped inside. Jay noticed who it was first and grinned devilishly, "Well look who it is!"

Sean Cameron took off jacket, smirking widely too and he shut the door. His hair was the same, grown out a bit and wavy but he was now a man. He looked pretty jacked from the stay in the army. "Sean!" Manny happily hugged him and he smiled as he hugged her back.

He eyed the party that didn't seem to notice his presence yet. The music was loud, everyone was having fun, and he didn't want to make much of a scene anyways. His stormy blue eyes sought Emma out and he stared for a long moment before he felt Manny squeeze his arms and pat his stomach.

"Wow. Workout much?" Teased Manny, pulling away. Sean looked away from the party to give her a look and Jay did too, before rolling his eyes. She giggled with a blush, "What? I'm just saying."

"We've been married two months." Jay told Sean, lifting two fingers as a joke and gave Manny a look who laughed again. He knew she was just kidding.

Sean chuckled and shook his head. These two were perfect for another. "Yea, sorry I couldn't uh-" he paused as he glanced back Emma's way, "Make it."

Manny cornered her eyes and saw what he was looking at. Emma was still turned, but Sean knew it was her and the back view wasn't a problem per say. Maybe not as good as the front, but not bad either.

Jay replied to him, "It sucked, but I get it. They can't really let you go to go to some guys wedding."

"Hey," Sean said, gazing back at him and was serious, "I wanted to be there. I tried to fight it but things were bad in Iraq."

"How's it going now?" Manny asked, cringing a little sadly and wishing he'd just come home. Hadn't four years been enough?

Sean sat down at the bench near them by the door and shrugged. "It is what it is."

He never talked about it much. He wanted his visits to be about visiting, not the army or what he's been through. This was the only time away from it all.

Sean's eyes casted back to Emma and a bunch of her family and friends crowding around her, her mother holding her hand. He knew why. They were checking out her engagement ring.

"That's him, huh?"

At Sean's question, both Manny and Jay gave another alarmed looks. They were quiet for a moment, not sure what to say. Sean was now gazing at Emma's fiance, Josh, up and down.

"He's alright." Manny said.

"Not a big deal." Jay said too with a shrug and tried to stir his drink a bit in his hand to then offer it out to Sean, "Vodka and punch?"

Sean just gave him a look.

Meanwhile with Emma, she couldn't 't hold back the laugh towards her mother. She seemed more happy about this engagement than her. Wait, bad joke. But, she really did seem to hit it off with Kathleen.

"Emma, really, when are you going to set the date?" Spike whispered to her, pulling her away from the Brown's family.

Emma noticed her Uncle Pat passed out on the couch, probably drunk again. She shrugged while answering, "I don't know."

Spike gave a displeased noise. Emma looked back at her and raised an eyebrow, "I'll set it when I'm ready, Mom. And I promise, you'll be the first one I tell."

Emma then noticed a wierd look in her mother's eye when she seemed to notice something behind Emma. Emma turned when Spike didn't look very thrilled.

Emma saw him within the second. How couldn't she? Sean always stood out in a crowd. He looked good. Handsome, as always... Mysterious as always too.

"Emma," Spike went to grab her hand but Emma already went walking over. Snake came up behind Spike and took a look.

"What?" he asked, and then saw who was back. "Sean!" he bellowed, following after Emma.

Emma stopped in front of Sean first who turned and locked eyes with her. His mouth fell open, but he couldn't find the words he wanted to say to her. "Hi."

Hi? He wanted to even smack himself for that. Even her eyes seemed to taunt him as she greeted him back (rather sarcastically) "Hi."

Yet, as mad and confused as she felt right now, she felt relieved too that he was here. That he made it. And he was here. Did she say that already?

Behind, Snake stopped between them and put a hand on Sean's shoulder. "Always good to see you! The boy is back in town!" he joked.

Sean itched the back of his neck but sent Snake a small smile and nod. Spike came over and stopped by Emma, putting a hand on her arm but said hello. "Hi Sean."

On the other side of the party, Josh glanced over strangely from with his parents, wondering who the guy at the door was. Snake seemed awfully happy to see him. He noticed even his own girlfriend, Emma, couldn't take her eyes off him.

"Hi Mrs S." Sean greeted Spike back but felt a weird uncomfortable vibe right now. Was it coming from Emma? Probably. Last Christmas wasn't so _good_ between them. He thought he maybe shouldn't of come this year, but Snake practically begged him to in emails. _And he couldn't stay away from her.._

"Good to have you home." Snake said.

Jay agreed, raising his glass, "To all the good men!" Manny swapped his arm playfully.

"Dude, you're back!" Spinner came over next.

Spike turned to Emma as they were all catching up with Sean, "Emma, those cookies in the stove are probably done by now. Can you check on them?"

Emma ripped her eyes off of Sean enjoying his guy time with Spinner and Jay again. "Yea." she blinked, trying to snap out of it and beside her, Manny grabbed her hand.

"I'll help." Manny said and guided her away.

Over by Sean, Snake walked back up to the boys with some shots for Christmas.

"How long are you staying this time, Sean?" he asked.

"I don't know .."

Jay and Spinner glanced at another, wondering what that meant. Jay eyed Sean and saw him looking around again, probably wondering where Emma went.

"MISTLETOE!" someone yelled and they turned to Emma's Uncle Pat now up again and grabbing their Grandma for a big kiss on the cheek. Some people laughed as she started to hit him with her purse, and the party was just getting started.

Sean removed his eyes from the hilarious scene to connect eyes with Josh across the room. The two eyed another for a moment before Sean looked away and clenched his jaw. Josh squinted his and moved towards the kitchen where Emma was, he was curious to who this guy was. He thought he had met everyone in Emma's family.

 _Christmas eve will find me  
Where the love light gleams  
I'll be home for Christmas  
If only in my dreams  
If only in my dreams _


	2. Last Christmas

"Em, you okay?"

Emma looked up from putting the cookies from on the tray to onto a plate in the kitchen. Manny looked at her worriedly, but not TOO worried, because that would be implying that she didn't think Emma was ok. But she should be, because Sean's return shouldn't shake her up so much anymore. Because that would mean something.

"I'm fine, Manny."

Manny chewed her cheek and nodded. 'Sure', she thought.

The door opened and Josh came in, looking like he had something to ask Emma and he locked eyes with Manny. Manny took the hint and quickly stole a cookie before walking out.

Emma turned her head, wondering where she was going until she noticed Josh now only in the room.

"Hey.." he leaned in next to her and leaned against the counter. He stole a cookie too. After a bite, he pretended to ask casually, "Whose that guy out there?"

Emma's fast pace cookie moving turned into a slower pace. Her heart raced a bit and she paused before replying, "Just an old friend. He's close with Snake."

Josh was quiet for a moment. Emma turned with the plate of cookies and took a deep breath. She just didn't want to get into it right now. She would tell Josh another time about Sean. She went to turn to go back to the party until he asked, "Did you guys ever _date?"_

Emma stopped in her tracks and tightened her jaw before she turned, gazing around as she thought for an answer. ."Like, a long time ago."

He looked up and bellowed a small laugh, then tried to take that in. He knew there was something there. The way that guy looked at him was as if Josh was the guest in this house. He didn't like that look from coming from her ex.

"Why doesn't he go somewhere else for the holidays?"

"He doesn't have anybody else.."

Emma looked down. Josh then tried to stay calm as he asked another question, "Why'd you break up?"

"We broke up **year** s ago."

" **Why?"** he pressed.

Emma nearly pouted, "Josh!... Ugh, because he went into the army!"

"Wow," Josh said bitterly, "A solider. Can't beat that." he snickered, "So you're saying that's why you broke up? But he still comes here? Not only that but he is far more part of the family than I am and I'm your fiance!"

The silence was deadly.

Josh gazed into Emma's eyes angrily, "He still looks at you as if you're **his.** Snake seems to just _love_ him also so that's just great!"

Emma put the plate down, knowing this was getting Josh angry. Josh barely ever got angry. "Snake likes you! Also, my mom **loves** you." She didn't know what to say about the other part.

"Emma, I don't like him."

Emma choked on her next words. What did he want her to do? Kick Sean out? He hadn't done anything. "You don't know him."

"I don't **want** to. This is the first Christmas with both of our familys and your **ex** is here, lurking around for god knows why and you're fine with it. Do you know how that makes me feel?"

Emma swallowed hard. Well, when he explained it like that. If only he understood! .. .oh, but then that wouldn't be good.

"Josh it's Christmas Eve. I can't tell him to leave."

"Well, does he know you're engaged?"

"Yes." Emma was 90% sure Snake had told him. Or Jay did.

Josh seemed frustrated before he huffed, "I got to go."

"JOSH!" she followed him out the kitchen door and through the party. He stopped at the front door to grab his coat and she tried not to make a scene so said quietly, "Can we just go upstairs and talk?"

"No. I have to leave." Josh said.

Emma looked up at him like he was crazy. He was just going to leave without talking this through?! He always went for walks to clear his head, he never stuck around to deal with the problems.

He still looked mad at her but muttered, "I'll be back in an hour." with that, he left.

Emma took a step out the door to stand on the porch, watching him storm away in the snow. She hugged herself from the cold weather. Her lights were lit up on her house too. She watched as his car backed out and drove off down the street.

She heard someone else exit the house and step onto the porch with her. Sean. "Where's he going?"

Emma looked up and tried to count to 10, staying calm. "To... Get more egg nog." she lied lamely.

"He seemed pretty angry about no egg nog.." Sean joked and leaned on the porch railing.

"Butt out, Sean." Emma said a little childishly, finally narrowing her eyes at him and he just cracked a small smile but his eyes gazed down her body. She swallowed, wishing he wouldn't do that.

"Nice ring."

Emma heart stopped. "Thanks."

Sean's eyes were hard on it for a few moments. Emma took the time to remember their last Christmas together, and she hated remembering it...it was a painful memory.

FLASHBACK: _****_

_**It was late in the afternoon when Emma was helping her Mom decorate for the Christmas party for tonight. Snake and her mom were doing last minute shopping and dropping Jack off at Grandma's.**_

 _ **Emma was procrastinating from getting ready for the party, still wearing her casual jean shorts that showed off her long tanned legs and a white tank top. . She was putting up the mistletoe near the kitchen doorway when her door creaked open.**_

 _ **"Don't you know to lock the door?" A deep familiar smooth voice asked her.**_

 _ **For a split second she was afraid some man had broken into the house. She whipped her head around quickly. Her fear turned into joy when she saw who it was. She smiled so wide her cheeks hurt and Sean laughed at her, catching her in his arms when she came to hug him. He hugged her tightly in his arms.**_

 _ **"Did you just get home?" Emma asked, pulling away.**_

 _ **He sighed almost sadly when they had to pull away. "Yea.."**_

 _ **Emma nodded, and cleared her throat a bit stepped a little away from him to give him space. She forgot they were just friends now. 'Be cool', she reminded herself. She had just dumped Kelly, so you think she'd be thinking about that, but Sean was always more important.**_

 _ **"I missed you." He admitted and smiled at her cocky grin like she knew he would. He had missed her though, it was almost agonizing. He had missed her more than he had missed any of his 'friends' or being at home. The thought was a bit scary too him. She was after all his ex now. He could never come to grips with that since they broke up. But, he couldn't be selfish and make her wait. He didn't know how long he'd be in the army for.**_

 _ **She looked fine. Better than fine. Maybe him being gone was good for her. She didn't look overwhelmed or unhappy. Infact, she looked more beautiful than ever. It was hard to look away. She still smelled faintly like vanilla, a scent that was secretly driving him crazy.**_

 _ **Long after midnight the two ran out of things to talk about. The party was going on but as usual Emma and Sean stuck together like glue the whole time and seemed to shut the party out. Even Manny and Jay let them be as they smiled over on the couch sharing desert.**_

 _ **"I never know which I like more," Sean admitted, holding a plate with a small piece of cake on it that Emma dug her fork into. "Your moms cooking, or Snakes." he dug his fork into it too.**_

 _ **"Well, this is from the Bakery up the street so I won't tell them that it was neither of their cooking." Emma teased. She now wore a strapless fitted white dress. When she got changed and came downstairs, Sean had a hard time not grabbing her right there and dragging her into some room. She was such a woman now. The curves, the breasts- as piggish as that was, but it hugged so nice and tightly around her upper body. It stopped just midway around her thighs.**_

 _ **Sean chuckled.**_

 _ **After the party, Sean helped Emma clean up. Her parents had went to bed, Snake was a little drunk too, too much spiked egg nog. He kept trying to convince Sean of another round of cards but Spike finally took him to bed when everyone went home.**_

 _ **Emma threw out the last beer bottle she saw lying around the house. She walked over to the kitchen where Sean was, dumping the last dish into the washing machine. He grabbed a towel and whipped his hands, turning towards her. He watched her bend a little to throw out the bottle in the recycling bin and he smiled faintly to the labels on all the garbage pails. She was still his little environmentalist.**_

 _ **When they were done, they both weren't tired, so hung out down stairs in her room. it wasn't weird. Hell, Sean use to LIVE here. She just laid on her bed while listening to all his stories while he sat on a chair right next to her bed, his feet up too.**_

 _ **"So you like it?" Emma asked, laying on her side, her arm extended up to lean her head on it. She held a small glass or wine and he just downed his beer.**_

 _ **Sean thought over the question. "I feel more contributing to society."**_

 _ **Emma's smile made his heart warm. He suddenly got up and crawled onto the bed next to her. For a moment, it was fine, normal even, until Emma reminded herself they weren't together and he came too close to comfort. They laid side to side now, Sean facing her and staring down at her.**_

 _ **"You know, you're still beautiful as ever." he looked down between their bodies, wanting to close the space between them. Would that be not okay though?**_

 _ **Emma gazed into his blue eyes and playfully noted, "You know I'm still not your girlfriend anymore?"**_

 _ **He locked eyes with her again. "I think you miss it. Us."**_

 _ **Emma wanted to laugh in disbelief and at his blunt words. I guess living away in the army helped him get over bottling his feelings. "By me, do you mean...you?" she taunted.**_

 _ **He smirked playfully "Probably."**_

 _ **"Reverse psychology, hmm?"**_

 _ **He enjoyed her humor but had quickly changed the subject, "Are you still with that guy?"**_

 _ **"Kelly?" Emma laughed a little, "No." she then eyed him harder. He had no right to ask these questions!**_

 _ **"Good." with that, he captured her lips within his, kissing her tenderly. As the feel of her missed sweet lips, he then started kissing her hungrily. He had been wanting to do it since he got home. Out of three years of not being selfish, for fighting for his country, just this one night he wanted her to himself again. Was that too much to ask? It was after all Christmas.**_

 _ **She moaned a little into the kiss, making him kiss her deeper and she kissed him back before pulling away breathlessly. She tried not to show how badly it overwhelmed her whole body and heart by just a kiss.**_

 _ **"That wasn't an invitation to kiss me." she said in a mere whisper.**_

 _ **He opened his eyes and stared back at her, breathless himself. "You kissed me back, Em."**_

 _ **Emma shut her mouth and swallowed, guilt in her eyes. She got up and tried to shake off the feeling. "I'm going to go change for bed."**_

 _ **"Emma." he tried to call her back.**_

 _ **"I'll be back."**_

 _ **...TO BE CONTINUED.**_


	3. I Love Her

_**CONTINUED FLASHBACK OF LAST CHRISTMAS...**_

 _ **She did come back, but now the moment was awkward as she sat down back onto the bed and he sat laid back in her pillows, in deep thought. He then blinked and finally looked over at her. She was afraid to lie down next to him, fearing what would happen if she did. Sharing a bed with Kelly or Damien in the past, it was wierd at first, but always comfortable with Sean. Sean after all was her first.**_

 _ **"Hey, isn't that my shirt?"**_

 _ **"It was. Now it's mine." Emma teased. He chuckled and raised an eyebrow. It was a white shirt that was over sized on her, one side even hung off her shoulder since it was so large. It looked pretty cute on her though.**_

 _ **"It looks better on you." He said simply, not even trying to flirt. He just liked to see it on her. She just smiled and looked down, putting a piece of hair behind her ear.**_

 _ **"..I'm tired." she confessed. Maybe all the wine tonight was getting to her. She and Sean should know this thing between them, it didn't work out. Going to sleep was safe to do right now before anything happened. As much as they and everybody else wanted them to work. It didn't. For some bent reason, it didn't.**_

 _ **"You can stay." she then found herself say.**_

 _ **Woah . Where did that come from? We were doing so well. What happened to being safe?**_

 _ **"Yea?" he asked, and she nodded, now going under the covers. He too got comfy and they laid there after she shut off her lamp.**_

 _ *****  
Gun shots were fired in Sean's dream- well, nightmare. Bombs went off, screams were heard. He tossed and turned in his sleep next to Emma, until he heard more screaming.**_

 _ **"Sean. Sean. Sean! Sean, wake up!"**_

 _ **His eyes flew open. He blinked a few times in the darkness before he realized Emma was clawing at his arms and wrists. He had been choking her in his sleep. He let go of her, horrified. She coughed and gasped for air.**_

 _ **"Oh my God, are you okay? I'm so sorry, Emma!" He rushed, disgusted at himself while being afraid he had really hurt her. He rolled over and quickly turned the light on, blinding them both.**_

 _ **"I'm okay." She hoarsely said. He cringed at the red marks he made on her neck.**_

 _ **"I swear I was asleep." He grabbed her and hugged her to him. "I would never hurt you." He was near panicking. How could he have done that to her?**_

 _ **"It's okay, Sean. I'm alright."**_

 _ **He could tell when she was afraid. She was playing brave but here she was, looking shaken at what he had done. He never was violent towards her.**_

 _ **"Em." He rocked her back and forth, rubbing his hand on her back. "I am sorry."**_

 _ **She pulled back and looked into his panic stricken eyes. "I know you didn't mean to. You were having a bad dream."**_

 _ **"I am going to go to Jay's." He abruptly let her go. He got up and still looked distraught. "I don't trust myself around you."**_

 _ **Emma almost looked hurt for a moment, "No, stay." She reached for him.**_

 _ **Sean fended off her touch. "I hurt you." He raked a hand through his hair while he let out a jagged breath. "You are all I have, and what did I nearly do? I could've killed you with my bare hands."**_

 _ **"But you didn't. It was nothing but a dream, it wasn't real." She placed a hand over his heart. It was racing under her palm.**_

 _ **He inclined towards her until their foreheads lightly touched. He closed his eyes painfully and whispered, "I could never live with myself if I hurt you."**_

 _ **Emma bit her lip and then slowly wrapped her arms around him and embraced him tightly. "Please stay."**_

 _ **He didn't reply, but he didn't push her away either. He just held her. How could he trust himself to not hurt her again if he stayed?**_

 _ **After a few minutes of standing, he began walking her backwards towards the bed. Her knees hit the bed and she instinctively let him go and sat down. She looked at him for a moment before he shut the light off again. He climbed back in bed with her. He rolled on his side to face away from her. His mind was torn at whether he should leave or stay. He didn't think he could go back to sleep after that. . maybe not for a few days.**_

 _ **A hand ran under his arm and snaked around to rest on his chest. He took her hand in his and brought it to his lips, placing a kiss on them. He felt her as she snuggled into him. He felt a bit better but also a bit more confused. Sean rolled over to face her. A sliver of moonlight poured in from the window providing him enough light to see Emma's face. He reached over and moved a stray hair out of her eyes. She did not seem to notice when he brushed his hand lightly over her cheek as she might had fallen back to sleep.**_

 _ **He wanted her back so much. He was so scared she would reject him though, and then he'd have no Emma , not even friendship, and would be left with nothing. Yes it was easy meeting other girls, but Emma was his girl. She was the one for him. She made him feel better. He wanted to make her proud.**_

 _ **Without thinking, he put a protective arm over her and rested it on her stomach. She mummered something and he chuckled quietly and moved her hair off her neck. He lightly kissed the nape of her neck. She let out a sigh.**_

 _ **"You like that." He continued placing butterfly kisses from her ear to her shoulder. He knew he should stop. Not only was it not helping his downstairs problem, it was going beyond what was okay for just a friend to be doing.**_

 _ **He didn't even ask if she had met another man. What if she had? He couldn't bear the thought of another man holding her or touching her.**_

 _ **His hand that lay on her stomach began rubbing in small circles. Her shirt rode up a little each pass of the circle. He wondered if she would let him rest his hand on her bare skin. He felt it best not to try and stopped kissing her neck. He needed to stop or he'd take advantage of her. He just couldn't help himself, they had a lot of fun in this bed together. He missed her, being with her, inside of her.  
**_

_**Sean sighed and pulled her closer to him. He closed his eyes, vowing to himself he would not fall asleep. Before he knew it, his eyes were closing, until he felt an odd fluttery feeling. It was a brush of something on his chest. He cracked an eyelid to see Emma facing him with her hand on his chest. Her finger was rubbing a ragged scar he had received this year from Iraq. She leaned down and brushed her lips lightly over it. It took all he had not to drag her up to him and kiss her.**_

 _ **She straightened and moved closer so she was cuddled up against him. Sean put his hand on her hip and slid it up under her shirt to rest on her bare side. Her skin was so soft to his touch. Her breathing paused, then resumed. She placed her leg over his hip lightly and closed her eyes, comfortable.**_

 _ **Before he could stop himself, he pushed his hips forward and ground them into her pelvis. He was as hard as a rock, he knew she would know but he didn't care.**_

 _ **She whimpered with a little maon and her eyes flew up to his, now surrendering to what was going on. "Sean..." she wasn't so sure.**_

 _ **"You do that to me. You drive me crazy, Woman." His lips brushed against hers. " I love you more than you'll ever know. I always have. I always will."**_

 _ **They kissed passionately, Emma whimpering in between it at first. Sean's hands rubbed over her back, grabbing her hips and pulling her in tight. His tongue melded with hers as they kissed passionately, the years of having denied their love adding the fuel to the fire. He broke the kiss, moving his lips to her ear.**_ ****

 **His right hand drifted down, skimming over the front of Emma's panties. She wore nothing under his shirt that she wore but those. He rubbed it lightly, teasing, then slid his hand inside them. Emma gasped and moaned, pushing her hips up into his hand. "Oh god, Sean.."**

 **Sean never missed a beat as he climbed on top of her and Emma looked up before down at his jeans and used her hands to unbuckle them. She tried to focus but Sean had talented fingers and she whimpered again before she reached her hand inside his boxers once she had his jeans undone, wrapping her small hands around his big hard member.**

 **He groaned into her mouth and began moving his fingers inside her quick, and her head tipped back. He grazed her neck with sweet kisses, kissing along the red marks where his hands were moments ago.**

 **He let her go for a quick moment to get up and remove his shirt. Next, his pants. Emma moved to the end of the bed in a quick hurry, helping him. After ripping his shirt off of her, he scooped her up in his arms. Instinctively she wrapped her legs around him and stared down at him admiringly. He stared up at her hypnotized. Her chest was bare, breasts out in their glory. She was goregous with her hair falling around her shoulders. He moved her panties to the side and rubbed his cock against her clit. She moaned and pushed her hips towards him, causing his head to sink into her and she cried out when he shoved all the way in. He panted against her ear and groaned her name out.**

 **"Emma."**

 **"Please," she nodded, she wanted this, so badly. She braced herself by holding onto his strong shoulders. He lifted her up with such ease. He felt like he couldn't get close enough to this girl in his arms. Like he would wake up and she would have been just a dream.**

 **He eased them back down slowly to the bed, bending his head to flick his tongue and run his teeth on her nipple. When they laid on her bed naked together, he made love to her and cries of pleasure filled the room.**

 **END OF FLASHBACK.**

"It's cold, you should go back inside." Sean said, still leaning against the porch railing and Emma finally turned towards him.

"Fine." But NOT because he said so (Only because he was right).

They went back inside and Mrs Brown, Joshs mother, was just leaving with her family. "Oh Emma! I couldn't find Josh, but we're going to get going. The weather is getting bad."

Emma smiled uneasily and Mrs Brown gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"Whose this?" Mrs Brown was nosey and eyed Sean behind Emma. He was a strong looking boy. "Handsome. You must be on Snakes side of the family." She said out loud and assumed he was a cousin or something.

Emma looked back and shared a look with Sean as the family got their coats and shoes on then waved goodbye to her. Sean held the door open for them and closed it when the last person was out. He connected eyes with Emma again, a silent look on his face that she eyed curiously. He seemed _tense_ around Josh's family.

"They love you." he comments and crossed his arms. He nearly sneered the next part, "Seems like you're the perfect little daughter in law."

Emma just cornered her eyes as she turned with that, trying to leave him in the dust and knew he'd be glaring after her for it. He didn't deserve an explanation from her.

He stayed by the door and Jay came over, wincing a little as he held out a beer for Sean. He didn't know what was going on with them, but the sparks between Sean and Emma had always been obvious but this year there was tension. Sean clenched his jaw and took the beer.

"Whats the guy do for a living?"

Jay answered robotically as if Sean's personal spy, "Bartender."

"How long after dating did he propose to her?"

"7 months."

Sean sneered, "She doesn't even know the guy." He turned his head to watch Jay nod. Both guys were watching Emma and Manny talk across the room. Probably about them as well.

Jay nodded and sipped his beer. "Yup." he paused before he spoke again, "Some people said it's just meant to be. They're 'happy' together, and their families love another . Me and Manny think she moved fast for a reason." he eyed Sean back, "Desperate to move on from something, you know?"

Sean's hurt and angry eyes turned into sore looking eyes, remembering what happened to them last Christmas that was probably reason to all the tension tonight...

FLASHBACK (last one)..

 **"You're just leaving? Were you going to even say goodbye? What happened between last night and right now?" Emma asked with hurt across her face and tears welling up in her eyes. Sean was shoving his things from on her bed into his duffle bag. His shoes already on and ready to just go, to leave her again. He usually stayed a few days after Christmas, but for some reason not this time.**

 **He whipped around and looked angry but also hurt too, "Look, I heard you and your mom upstairs, alright!?"**

 **Emma froze and her eyes shimmered. She had just come downstairs from the kitchen where her mom noticed her and saw the bruises on Emma's neck. She told her what happened, and Spike wanted Sean to leave. So he will. As if he didn't feel awful enough about what happened and what he did to Emma.**

 **Emma shook her head and tried to explain, blocking him from leaving. "She just doesn't understand. Sean you just have some PTSD or something! It's cure-able. She'll-"**

 **Sean cut her off, "I'm doing as she says, Emma. I'm leaving. This was a mistake anyways." he saw Emma flinch before he realised what she thought he meant. Last night was amazing. He meant about kissing her though, that he should of never done it. It was selfish. It was a mistake. They had broken up for a reason. He sighed sadly and just looked down, avoiding her eyes.**

 **"I'm not good for you. You're better off without me, Emma."**

 **"I guess so." Emma agreed, still feeling deeply hurt and her heart broke into a million pieces. This was the last time she'd ever let Sean do this to her again. "Just go, Sean." was all she said before turning and walking back into her room.**

 **He shifted his eyes to the side to watch her casually just start to clean her room up. He swallowed the painful lump in his throat and did as told. He left. He didn't see the moment that when Emma heard the door close, she crashed down on her bed and sobbed. As he walked to the taxi that waited out front for him, his breath was uneasy and his fists clenched. His heart was breaking in agony, wondering if what he had just done was the right thing to do.**

END OF FLASHBACK.

"You okay?" Jay asked, noticing Sean looking a little pale and Sean just put his beer down and walked away.

Sean now stood in the kitchen alone, leaning forward on the kitchen counter with a bewildered look in his eye. Maybe he should go. Maybe he shouldn't of come here. If Emma wanted to move on with her life, he should let her, it was after all what he wanted to do so why couldn't he just leave? It was easier said than done. He couldn't bear the thought of Emma marrying that guy though. Or anyone who wasn't _him._

"Sean, you alright?" he heard and turned. Spike had come in and he cleared his throat. crossing his arms and just nodded. Silence filled the room, you could also cut the tension with a knife.

Spike folded her own arms and tried to put this lightly, "She's happy, Sean. Isn't that all you need to know?"

She understood there was something strong between Sean and her daughter, something she once understood and even saw, but she thought that it was now becoming unhealthy. Sean was a good looking man, he could have any woman he wanted. Why did he still come back? She just wanted Emma's flame for him to burn out. He had done enough to her.

Sean eyed Spike, wondering why she had never really liked him. Well, he couldn't say never. Once they were good. But after trips to prison, sent to Iraq, and after bruises on her daughters neck by his own hands- well, he could understand why she didn't really want him here.

"I know I shouldn't of come back this year," he said lowly, itching the back of his head and looked down. "I just.. . .just one last time.."

Spike nodded, knowing what he meant. She liked the sounds of this being the last time he'd see Emma. Even though it sounded as if Emma might now know it. "I think that'd be the most selfless thing you could do."

He looked at her. She nodded, and he slowly did so back before gazing down again. She went to turn but he spoke up, more sternly. "I didn't mean to hurt her."

Spike took a moment before turning back. She knew he didn't **mean** to but he did. She couldn't worry about Emma in a situation like his. She was glad he in the military now, it seemed to do him a lot of good. She really didn't think he was horrible, but Emma had gone through her own drama, her own issues, she didn't need his issues now too. She wanted Emma to be happy now. She refused to believe that happiness lied in being with Sean again. Maybe Josh didn't make her laugh or swoon the way Sean did, but at least it was healthy and stable.

"I know, Sean."

He looked determined for her to hear his next few words, "I love her."

Spike bit the end of her tongue and looked away for a moment. The stone look in his eye was hard to look at. She knew he loved Emma, she just wanted him to let go now. For god sakes, she was marrying another guy.

"Help yourself to some food before the party is over, Sean." with that, she left. He hung his head down low again.

When Spike had left though, Manny hid more behind the door in which Spike exited out from and stayed as quiet as a mouse until she was out of site. Manny's eyes were wide and she tried to take in what she had just heard and she had heard _everything._ She was going to the kitchen for some water when she heard them talking. Emma hadn't even told her Sean had hurt her. And by that, what did Sean mean when he had said he didn't mean to?

Emma had serious explaining to do.


End file.
